Navigating the dynamics of multi-family vacations

Multi-family vacations can provide opportunities for bonding, shared memories, and diverse adventures. However, when large groups are traveling together, the dynamics and coordination involved can also present challenges.

How many of us have looked forward to a vacation only to have our experience soured by children who are not as enthusiastic as we are about the excursions booked for their benefit? Have been surprised by our travel companions’ reaction to settling a restaurant bill? Experienced disagreements or simmering tensions that have seemingly materialized out of nowhere?

A vacation with extended family and friends doesn’t have to be riddled with frustrations. Afterall, the goal is for everyone to have fun and come back with lasting memories — and to look forward to the next vacation. How do you put your best foot forward when planning a multi-family vacation? Below, Marianna Martinez, family dynamics specialist with Advice & Planning, Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. offers tips to help navigate interactions effectively when planning your next adventure.

Plan your budget together in advance

To help ease the planning process, begin by having a group conversation about the overall experience. Be upfront about anticipated costs and expected contributions. Dive into all the logistics, such as accommodations, meals, transportation, and activities. Give those who may be more cost-conscious the ability to voice their concerns in a constructive way, and opt out of add-ons, excursions, etc.

Managing trip expenses can be difficult if not handled correctly. You may want to consider designating a representative from each family to discuss budget on their behalf.

There are many ways to allocate costs, but creating a simple spreadsheet can help keep track of who is responsible for what and ensure full transparency when planning. Martinez cautions not to forget to include tips, which she recommends carrying cash to cover, especially given that many service industry employees cannot accept tips via payment apps. She also suggests paying expenses ahead of time, when possible.

Here are a few additional methods Martinez suggests to allocate costs that can be agreed on in advance to help ease planning headaches:

• Equal split: Families split costs equally regardless of family size.
• Proportionally based split: If families vary in size, a proportional system based on number of family members is more complicated but more equitable and more likely to avoid resentment. In that same vein, it may be worthwhile to consider allocating one cost for an adult’s meals and another for a child’s meal, allowing you to take a simplified, high-level view of dining expenses.
• Activity-based split: Take in consideration that not everyone may be interested in the same type of activities. For example, some might be reluctant to participate in excursions like white water rafting or ziplining, while others may seek this type of adventure. One option is to divide costs based on who is participating in each portion of the trip in advance. This thinking can also come in handy when dining, as some people like to order a bottle of wine for the table while others may not want to drink at all.
• Agree to be flexible: When travelling with a large group, not every cost is going to be shared equally, but you may find that while you share a bigger cost burden for one activity, someone else in the group may pick up more of the cost for something else. The key to avoiding resentment is straightforward communication.

Understand everyone’s needs

Involve all families in the planning process to understand their interests and needs. Begin by creating a rough itinerary that accommodates all parties. Take into consideration family members’ ages, abilities, and health concerns when planning your activities. To help with the itinerary, you can use tools like a shared calendar or planning apps to organize preferences, meals, and outings.

Understand everyone’s needs when selecting where to stay. Consider accommodations that provide both communal spaces and private areas. Renting a large vacation home with separate bedrooms and communal areas can help strike the perfect balance. If you rent a condominium or hotel, ensure that everyone has their own space (not just on a pull-out couch). Don’t forget to consider the bathroom situation when booking. Bathroom routines can often be overlooked, especially when traveling with larger groups and children.

Set boundaries

It is essential to establish personal boundaries. Discuss the importance of respecting each family’s need for downtime. Remember, vacations are supposed to be relaxing! Encourage everyone to communicate openly about when they need space, whether that’s a quiet evening after a full day of activities, or simply a few hours of solitude by the pool or in their room with a favorite book.

Flexibility is key

While it is great to have a plan, maintaining flexibility is critical. Following a detailed itinerary might not be everyone’s ideal vacation. Use the itinerary as a guide and be ready to adapt to unexpected changes, whether it is a new outing suggestion or a family member feeling unwell. Encourage family members to provide feedback. And remember, the purpose of the vacation is to create memories together!

Have fun together

While on the trip, take advantage of the opportunity to spend meaningful time with each other — family game nights, group excursions, or cooking meals together. These shared experiences can foster strong bonds and create stories that will be told for years to come.

And don’t forget to be kind to those who have organized the trip you’re on. Acknowledge that they are putting in considerable time and effort, understand that not everything can go according to their plan, no matter how detailed it is, and that they have done their best to make sure everyone enjoys themselves.

Multi-family vacations can be a wonderful way to strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. By approaching the dynamics of cost-sharing, personal spaces, and understanding each other’s needs with openness and flexibility, you can turn potential challenges into opportunities for growth and connection. With thoughtful planning and communication, your next multi-family getaway can be enjoyable for everyone involved, making it a cherished experience you will all look back on fondly.